Moan for me like Helen Keller
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
