I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
