everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and she was petting her beer can
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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