All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Buhtt sex?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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