i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize