i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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