Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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