I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
