I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize