I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
