My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
