what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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