i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
