I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize