yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
