Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
