the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
