she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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