Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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