just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
