Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
