Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
