i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
