Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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