No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
