I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
