Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
