All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
