The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
