You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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