It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
