Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
