yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
