Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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