I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
