did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
