So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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