my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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