I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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