Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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