just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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