I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
