I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
