Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
