Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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