well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She bit a glass in half.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i think my cat just said my name.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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