I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
