There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
