I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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