I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
