she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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