goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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