Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
