if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
