I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
