We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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