oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
