Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
worst night to have a conscience
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
