He told me they were just razor bumps!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
