I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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