i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this will be a night to untag.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
