The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
