i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
