Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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