im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
