ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
