If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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