Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
