grandma shit on top of the toilet
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
