Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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