Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
