I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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