Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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