Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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