So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
