and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize