Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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