there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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