I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize