I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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