You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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