And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What drink are we having for lunch?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
