no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
