I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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