The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
